Just a brief snippet from life here in Beijing to start…This week was my school’s 5th annual Rising Star speaking contest, where four-year-olds from westernmost Beijing get to go up on stage and demonstrate their ability to ask for fruit in English. This year, tiring of the traditional Chinese-style martial music that always accompanies these events, our Irish-born headmaster insisted that only “western music” should be played at the ceremony…
I’m sure he was mindful of the maxim “be careful what you wish for” as, courtesy of our literal-minded Beijing-born Googling IT manager, every one of this year’s winners mounted the podium to the theme from “The Magnificent Seven”. Ah, you couldn’t make it up, but then, in 21st century China, you seldom have to…
Much as would seem to be the case in 21st century Liverpool and its on-going campaign to convince an already pre-scepticised world that making the city the 2008 European Capital of Culture has all the verisimilitude of “Kayak and Kayaking” magazine making John Darwin their Man of the Year.
Once again the city – only 33.9 miles (or the equivalent in years in terms of marketing communications sophistication) away from Manc has scored a blinder by announcing that the PR agency for its period of Cultural Capital Tenancy will be announced in two weeks time – giving the lucky winning buggers the luxury of almost a whole month to settle in to the brief before the opening ceremony on Jan 11th.
At least the city fathers can issue a heartfelt “Fie” to any suggestion that they have been rushed into a decision, given the fact that they have only known they’d need a PR company on the case since June 4, 2003. Christ it’s not an appointment, it’s the PR equivalent of “Challenge Anneka”.
No wonder there is much excitement stirring in the east Austrian township of Penk, which was discretely placed on the City of Culture “subs” bench on June 5, 2003 when doubts initially emerged about Liverpool’s ability to “not be the only city to completely cock up as Capital of Culture” first emerged.
Speaking exclusively to How-Do, Zenzi Hölzl. Mayor of Penk (population 20,000, though rising to 45,000 in Nazi-Hunting Season) said: “We have been watching events in Liverpool most gleefully. We in lovely snow-bound Penk pride ourselves on our readiness to fill the cleft left by Liverpool. I have already given the bung to my brother-in-law Otto to be handling the PR, making us a full 6 of the months ahead of your Liverpool.”
With its innovative programme of events (“XIIth All-Austrian Conker Slightly Resembling pint–sized Australian Song-Thrush Kylie-athon” and “The Edible Hats of Eastern Europe (1972-84)), the smart money has to be on Penk all the way.
Staying on the smart money front, how likely do you think that seldom-heard-of-before-in the North West PR consultancy, Four Communications should crop up not once but twice on How-Do this week? Once as the victors in the BMI pitch against the mighty Tony Tighe’s Mere and then again as one of three agencies short-listed for the Capital of Culture account? Could it be that BMI has been tipped off that Four is likely to be “building up its presence” in the North? Cheer up Weber-Shandwick and Bell Pottinger North (both of whom launched in Liverpool solely on the expectation of securing the LCC account) there’s still time to staff-up in Penk…
And now, ladies and gentlemen, a hint of hush as How-Do gives birth to its first euphemism. Way back in the 70’s, Private Eye gave us “discussing Uganda” as a stand-in for illicit sexual congress and now the UTV press office gives us “going back to Guernsey” as a nudge and a wink term for quitting the boardroom in a huff or being told so to do.
Ah, you can just see it now – picture this TBWA supremo, Robert Harwood-Matthews, gets word from one of his snouts that there are still people born in the North secreted on the third floor of The Church. “Here’s Robby,” he says pushing his head through the British Gypsum plasterboard concealing their Anne Frank-style annex, “get your coats, you’re all headed for an extended holiday in Sark…”
Ah, the tension may-be high among the few former BDH-ers who survived RHM’s Night of the Wrong Accents, but I guess a similar tension is not shared by those awaiting the results of the NWDA design roster review .
It’s rather like being called to the pub by one of your mates where he is going to announce a shortlist of those he intends to cadge fivers off for the next 12 months. One thing is sure none of the principals of “successful” design houses will be spending much time, voluntarily or involuntarily holidaying in the Channel Islands, courtesy of fee income from the NWDA in the near future. It’s a telling fact that this year’s roster (Hemisphere, Madhouse, Creative Lynx, Loines Furnival, Refinery and Kaleidoscope) is at best “B” list, with Love, True North, Dinosaur and The Chase all conspicuous by their absence.
And finally, an unaccustomed appeal. 2007, the Year of the Pig here in GMT +8 land, is rapidly making way for 2008’s Year of the Rat’s First Footing. 2007 has seen a number of landmark surveys by How-Do – top 100 NW brands and the NW media 100, but it still hasn’t answered one of the key questions – just which individuals constitute the site’s Top Totty and How-Do’s hunk of the year?
Fear not gentle readers, I am here to remedy this. Over the next two weeks, I will spend my time – on a purely voluntary basis you understand - scouring the back pages of How-Do to identify the comeliest account directors, media buyers and PR folk of 2007.
I will announce the winners in my final column of 2007. Although I am quite happy to undertake this endeavour on a solo basis, I also welcome suggestions from How-Do blokies as to which http hottie caused your browser to re-load this year.
However, I don’t feel similarly confident in identifying the How-Do Hunks of the Year. So, ladies, over the next few days, I will be inviting a select few of you to choose your juiciest JPEG of the year from the How-Do archives.
Qualifications for your recommendations are bizarrely straightforward – all you need to do is select a picture that has appeared on How-Do since its April launch and email me on tonymurray37@hotmail.com and sing its praises. I will, of course, keep the identities of all nominators secret (for once this is true – email anonymously if you are concerned!)
So, if all, goes well, we’ll reveal the How-Do Hot-list on December 24th…. You take care now.
Tony Murray went missing in bizarre circumstances in March 2005 after announcing he was “just popping out for a Chinese”. He was found after a world-wide lunch-time Google search by How-Do proprietor Nick Jaspan in March 2007. He has been living in an alcove in Nick’s Warrington mews since that time.
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